


sing me to sleep.

by fuyusayo



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Delusions, F/F, Fluff, Hallucinations, Insanity, Metaphors, Overdose, PTSD, Self Harm, Suicide, Unrequited Love, asylum!Lisa, self blame, uh vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 14:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15560166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuyusayo/pseuds/fuyusayo
Summary: She threw herself into an illusion, a delusion, just to see her smile.The smile that she'd loved.I would do anything, just to achieve the smile that you gave to her; ever so content and warm, just like the sun within the icy, dreary clouds.





	sing me to sleep.

 

_I would do anything, just to achieve the smile that you gave to her; ever so content and warm, just like the sun within the icy, dreary clouds._

 

The small, old, stubby television displayed an indie band, one of gothic yet rock; a perfect balance. Roselia- it was named, it used to be a small, school band that played in live houses, but they made their way towards the entertainment industry. It consisted of five members; as she could barely make out through the silhouettes of those five, one in particular, stood out.

 

"Our next song," The vocalist, her voice static from the old and worn down television. "Determination Symphony." She looked to her side, looking at the turquoise headed girl with a smile so bright.

 

~~Bitter. It was so bitter. Bitter jealousy.~~

 

 _Cast out the irrelevant,_ she thought, reminiscing the times where she strummed her bass on stage. Least to say, it was useless, everyone had their eyes just on the guitarist instead.

 

' _The rhythm of the band? Bullshit. They're all just doing fine without you, they've replaced you._ ' It whispered in her ear. ' _Yukina hates you now, you know. You have been nothing but a living burden to her.'_

 

"Yukina. Yukina. Yukina. I love you. Come back." She mumbled, a mantra that resounded on her lips, a faint glaze to her eyes as she hoped that she would return. The empty feeling in her chest was one that the endless vacuum of space would rival.

 

 _'She doesn't need you to smile anymore.'_ As she stared at the television, the smile of her familiar childhood friend so bright and shining, brighter than she could ever make her to.

 

**"Don't bring your personal problems into the band. If you do insist," A pause. "Quit."**

 

She had been living in a dream bound by those white, ebony shaped pills each day; the feeling of grandeur illusions seeping into her lonely mind. _Hallucinogens_ , as they called it, as she swallowed another handful, her eyes too blurry with tears to see the amount she'd poured.

 

_She had to take it each time to see **her** smile, just for her alone, her cold demeanour gone, the old Yukina reverting back; the warm, kind Yukina she knew._

 

She closed her eyes as she escaped the reality around her; musty, bleak, confined walls around her, the door made of thick steel. The corners of the walls, cobwebs so thick and dusty, trapping everything that flew into it and minute fungi had begun to spread through the stained, wet walls.

 

She'd been closed off from the world around her. Her only lullaby, her memories, her voice, her everything remained, those halcyon days haunting her for ages to come.

 

It may have been days, months, years since she'd been here, everyone going on with their lives, isolating poor Lisa, but nothing mattered. She was content, living in the past, rather than facing the present with her mental illness the doctor had spoke of- severe post traumatic stress disorder; almost to the point of insanity. Those pills had been prescribed to keep her crumbling, detoriating mentality at bay.

 

The past was a lonely place to spend time in. Lisa would replay each of those memories she'd remember vividly, all her senses active and tingling, a vortex of images and frames flashing in front of her eyes; she reached her hand out into one of them, feeling herself being absorbed into it. Flashes of blue, pink, yellow, behind her eyes as she then replayed the memory once more. 

 

Those warm memories of Yukina, smiling so bright. Her back against Lisa's vision, singing her utmost best towards the cheering crowd. She'd recognised the song as Hidamari Rhodonite, a song which Yukina had wrote, just for her. The pain was gone, only to be replaced by such joy and ecstasy in her heart. The sparkle in her eyes, the bright sun strummed her bass fervently, with such energy and power as she exuded an aura of happiness.

 

That smile. That one smile she'd tried so hard to mantain before it was snatched by somebody else.

 

_Happy to be in the band. Happy to be by Yukina's side. No amateur playing, only flawless plays that elicited roars out of the crowd._

 

**She wondered why she'd quit in the first place, was it because of a smile that never belonged to her, or a crushed, rejected confession of love that had been replied to by the iciness of her words that scarred her until now.**

 

As it was about to end however, those familiar flashes returned, Lisa barely reaching out to the smile on Yukina's satisfied face, and just like a fatamorgana in the desert, it disappeared. 

 

 _'Its all because of you that she's gone.'_ They whispered, ' _You ruined the smile you craved and wanted.'_

 

"No. No. Come back. Please." The voice of desperation, she saw it once, but now she wanted to just look at it forever. The smile she missed. The smile that she made, just for her.

 

As she reverted back to reality, not before entering a realm full of clocks turning anticlockwise, weirdly. She floated across the space in time as she was being sucked into a hole.

 

**Or was it because Yukina smiled for someone else instead?**

 

Those eyes that shined with love. Those eyes that sparkled, as though she'd looked so happy and content. Her eyes that found her way to a certain turquoise headed girl. Hikawa Sayo, a serious natured girl.

 

~~Maybe that was one of the reasons why Yukina chose her over Lisa.~~

 

**"You joined the band just to make me smile? Why don't you just quit Lisa, if you just seem to take this band as a joke."**

 

Those bleak walls were back ㅡ as well as the stubby old television that had displayed Roselia a while ago ㅡ as well as the musty yet oppressive atmosphere. Her hand was stretched out halfway ㅡ as though she was reaching for the ceiling, presumably from the delusions of the hallucinogens. Those tears filled her eyes once more.

 

_No. Why did she disappear again?_

 

 **"Lisa, stop messing up! Do you think that this is a joke?! Did you even practice?!"**   _It was just a minor slip-up between chords._ Those sharp words were back.

 

 **"The whole band would be perfectly fine without you. You're just a burden!"** She couldn't breathe, her chest tight.

 

 **"I hate you!** " Those visions of her sharp, icy eyes, glaring at her with so much disappointment and hate.

 

"Yukina. Yukina. YUKINA! I'M SORRY!" She cried, blubbered and sobbed into the empty air. She clutched her head; those whispers being ingrained into her mind. That one particular memory she never wanted to remember. There was a bang, and through her blurred vision, she could see two men restraining her body as one held a syringe.

 

There was a slight prick towards her arm, the smooth drug making its way up her veins. Her mind felt woozy as she slowly fell into the comfort of the darkness, making her forget about her worries, and sleep.

 

"I'm sorry." A tear slowly made its way down her cheek as she whispered it once more, just before she slumped on the bed, the sleep that she'd craved for so long given to her.

 

* * *

 

 

Those crusty, tear-stained amber-grey eyes opened after waking from their slumber. She sat up slowly, feeling the aftermath of those drugs hitting her. Groaning in pain, she rubbed her eyes and ran her hair through her disheveled, oily hair. Those dark circles below her bloodshot eyes remained though, a trait of a heavy insomniac.

 

The musty air just felt like home to her now, fresh air foreign. A confined room with no windows. She wondered how the world had changed 5 years later. She had only a vague memory of the world before, the most prominent being the beauty setting sun she would always looked at from her old bedroom.

 

Her parents forgot about her.. maybe. They visited occasionally at first, but it gradually became none at all. The only thing that accompanied her was those pills, no friends, no family, no dolls, no Yukina. Just her and those pills, in isolation.

 

The bed squeaked as those springs were worn out from excessive use. She would be lying if she said that she did not miss them. But there she was, wasting away, the gaping hole of loneliness eating her alive each day. 

 

"Do you miss me too?" She whispered to the empty air. No answer. The insanity within her was giggling at her foolishness.

 

Thus, a bubble of laughter crept up her throat, escaping from her mouth. It sounded maniacal, almost, if it wasn't for the tears that streamed down her eyes like a waterfall. It transitioned into a sob, and two.

 

"Why? Why did you hate me Yukina? Was it because of me? I bet it was. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to carry the burden of an amateur and an annoying friend." Despair flooded her, she wanted to feel happy and normal again.

 

 _I'm sorry._ The words that she so badly wanted to convey to her.

 

She wanted to see her again, she wanted her by her side, and to not disappear again. She reached for her pills. The more she took, the longer the duration, right?

 

"The solution was right in front of me the whole time." She chuckled. "BakaRisa."

 

Thus, she took every one of the pills, eating them like candy, feeling the bitter taste lingering in her mouth. She smiled, hoping to transcend to the universe that had her Yukina in it, but instead of those flashes of yellow, red and blue, she felt her eyes drooping, her entire body weak. She slumped back on the bed, the empty bottle of pills falling to the ground, rolling across and under the bed.

 

Yawning, she went back to sleep, her eyelids heavy as she shut her eyes, the old, squeaky bed never feeling more comfortable than before.

 

* * *

 

 

She opened her eyes to an unheavenly brightness. Her head lay on a warm lap, its owner's fingers were stroking and combing through her hair. The face that greeted her was one of familiarity- those warm yet cold amber eyes and lilac coloured hair. 

 

It was Yukina, in the flesh. No amount of shock in the world could ever compare to those of Lisa's.

 

"You're awake." That melodious voice was accompanied by a soft smile. That smile that she missed and craved. Tears filled her eyes as an ugly sob ripped through her throat.

 

"Yukina, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Yukina. I love you." She blubbered, her tears of crystal blood.

 

"I know." She spoke, her voice warm and loving. "I'm sorry too." Lisa rose from lying down, embracing Yukina in a hug, so tight that Yukina wasn't able to breathe properly. 

 

"I can't.. breathe."

 

"Oh, uh, sorry." She let go of her, a smile that she'd never had in so long, plastered on her face, her heart content and happy.

 

"I'm glad, you never forgot about me after all~" She spoke with vigour, the life in her eyes shining bright. 

 

"How could I? You are still," She hesitated. "my dearest childhood friend."

 

"Aww~ Yukina!" She pinched her cheeks. 

 

"S-stop it!" 

 

Suddenly, a wave of drowsiness hit her hard. She yawned, and Yukina forced her to lay down on her lap. Lisa's eyelids were heavy.

 

"I feel sleepy~" It was emphasised with a yawn. There was a minute of silence. 

 

"Ne, Yukina?"

 

"What is it, Lisa?" She questioned.

 

"I haven't heard you sing for so long." She spoke, the drowsiness getting to her. "Sing me to sleep?"

 

It was a last wish that Yukina agreed to.

 

Her melodious yet powerful voice filled the room, a lullaby to her ears. It was calming, the effect taking on her entire body, relaxing into the vocalist's touch. Lisa wished that it would last forever. She seemed to get sleepier and sleepier though. As the last note rang, Yukina heaved a breath as Lisa whispered, "Thank you.", and her eyes closed shut.

 

_She took a final breath, and she was enveloped in darkness, warm and comforting, just like Yukina._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay,, this got out of hand and it was rushed.


End file.
